How to Get Your Resistant Teen to Therapy (Without Forcing It or Making Things Worse)
They say they’re fine. Or they won’t talk at all. You’re worried. And you don’t know what to do next.
You’ve brought it up more than once.
Maybe it was during a quiet car ride. Or right after another blow-up at home. Or when you finally got a few honest words out of them—and you thought, maybe this is the moment.
You suggested therapy. You even offered to help them choose who they’d talk to. And still, they said no.
Or they rolled their eyes. Shrugged. Said, “It’s not that bad.” Or worse, nothing at all.
And now you’re stuck between two hard places: knowing your teen is struggling, and not wanting to make things worse by pushing too hard.
If this is where you’re sitting, you’re not alone. So many parents are navigating the same tension—how do I support my kid when they won’t accept help?
Let’s talk through what resistance actually means, and how you can shift the conversation in a way that opens the door… without turning it into a standoff.
Why Teens Resist Therapy (Even When They Need It)
Here’s something most adults forget: going to therapy takes vulnerability and for teens, that can feel huge. Especially if they don’t fully understand what therapy is, or if they think it’s just a space where someone will psychoanalyze them for an hour.
They might be worried about being judged. Or about opening up to a stranger. Or about admitting, even to themselves, that something isn’t working.
They might also be afraid that therapy = something is wrong with them.
Or that talking about it will make it all feel too real.
And honestly? Sometimes they just don’t know what they’d even say. Not wanting to talk isn’t always defiance, but fear, or shame, or confusion in disguise.
The “You Should Go to Therapy” Talk Usually Doesn’t Work
Try this instead.
Most parents lead with logic: “You’re clearly not okay right now. Therapy could help. Let’s book something.”
It makes total sense. You want to help.
But here’s the thing: even the most well-meaning pitch can sound like a lecture or an accusation. And if your teen is already feeling defensive, overwhelmed, or shut down, they might hear “You’re broken” instead of “You’re cared for.”
Instead of coming at it as a solution to their “problem,” try using softer language that leaves room for autonomy.
Here are a few examples that land better:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been having a harder time lately. I don’t need you to explain it to me if you don’t want to. But I wonder if talking to someone else might feel less intense than trying to deal with it all on your own.”
“Therapy isn’t about ‘fixing’ anything. It’s just a space where you don’t have to perform, or explain everything perfectly. Just talk, or not talk, and figure things out at your own pace.”
“You don’t have to commit to anything long-term. You could try one session, see how it feels, and then decide.”
Sometimes the biggest shift happens when your teen sees they have options—and they’re not being dragged.
Things That Usually Backfire (Even With Good Intentions)
Forcing the issue in front of others
Calling them out at a family dinner or using sarcasm in front of siblings rarely motivates openness.Using ultimatums
“If you don’t go to therapy, you’re grounded.” This makes therapy feel like a punishment, which defeats the point.Making it all about you
Saying “I just can’t handle this anymore” is understandable but when teens feel guilted into therapy, they’re even less likely to engage.
What works better? Calm. Curiosity. Reassurance. Repetition. The door stays open, and they know it.
What If They Still Refuse?
Sometimes, no matter how carefully you approach it, they still say no. That’s okay.
Here’s what to do next:
Normalize the option by leaving info around
Leave a printed list of therapists on the fridge. Keep a tab open on your browser. Mention that a friend’s kid tried therapy and liked it. No pressure just quiet exposure.Let them eavesdrop
Talk positively about therapy in your own life or others’. Something like: “I’ve been talking to someone lately about stress at work. It’s weirdly helpful just to get it out.”Involve them in the process
Ask, “Would it help if you got to choose who you talked to? Want to look at a few websites together?” Sometimes it’s about control more than refusal.Offer other supports
Not ready for therapy? That’s okay. You can also suggest books, videos, podcasts, journaling, sports, or even quiet time away from screens. Therapy isn’t the only first step.
One More Thing—It’s Okay to Get Support for Yourself Too
Supporting a teen who’s struggling is exhausting—especially when they won’t let you in. You might feel helpless. Frustrated. Alone. Like no matter what you say, it doesn’t land.
You’re allowed to have your own space to talk. To cry. To regroup.
Sometimes, when parents get their own support, it shifts the entire dynamic at home. It models something powerful too: that therapy isn’t about being broken. It’s about being human.
If you’re in this tricky in-between place—where your teen won’t talk, and you’re trying to do the right thing—just know that it doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just has to be open.